Relational redundancy

I was reading an article today in the latest edition of Christianity Magazine on singleness within the Church and it got me thinking about about relationships as a whole. This is a subject I have thought about for some time and I'm encouraged to see a leading Christian publication taking up the challenge and asking people about their experiences, but I have my concerns about how the Church at large views the 'issue' of singleness. I think as individuals, churches, house groups and fellowships we need to ask ourselves not 'how do we cope with singleness' or 'how do we reach out to singles', but about the value we put on relationships across our whole church communities.

To my mind, the difficulties faced by singles are largely relational, and I don't mean it's to do with their lack of being 'in a relationship' - we're all in relationships, whether single, married, divorced, widowed or 'undisclosed'! I mean that we in society as a whole and certainly within the western church, have developed an unhealthy bias towards monogamous romantic attachments, making singles feel redundant. It is considered unorthodox for anyone to choose to be single - though it is often commended as a brave step for those engaging in a formal area of ministry or mission - and unfortunate for those who haven't chosen it!

Now I am not decrying marriage or romantic relationships, I've been in love and it's wonderful and I am the product of a long and happy marriage (my parents celebrated 48 years of marriage this June), but I am saying that life, whether in a relationship or not, isn't all about finding 'the one'. As Christians, surely we should hope to make pursuing Jesus our main goal - he is 'the One' for all of us (and I don't mean in a 'Jesus is my boyfriend' way!) - whatever our relationship status, our communities of faith should be about gathering together in the common pursuit of a life that emulates Christ.

I think in church we do couples as great a disservice as we do singles - singles are often thought of as being in a time of waiting for someone to come along, couples are considered to have arrived at their destination - neither is an accurate representation. Couples need the balance of strong friendships independent of their partners and singles need to be valued as equal members of the community. We need to take time to value and honour relationships of all kinds and to be engaged in the lives of others in our fellowships and outside of them. If we can't manage to form strong and authentic relationships within our churches, what can we possibly hope to offer to those wanting to explore the Christian faith and new believers?

So what do you think? Does the Church need to address singleness as a separate issue, or are there bigger needs to consider regarding our attitude to relationships?

If you're single, do you spend time with friends who are married or dating? Do you feel pressured to find a partner?

If you're in a relationship, do you still see and spend time with your single friends? Do you find it hard to balance time spent with your partner with time spent with other friends?

A Muse for my Musings...

My friend Jon told me some time ago to set up a blog so I could share my thoughts, ideas and writing with anyone who might be interested and to get more exposure as a writer, but I've only just got around to it since he set up a website for our monthly worship event, Repose - http://www.findrepose.co.uk/

Unsurprisingly, my 'muse' or inspiration in finally getting around to getting a blog up and running was the One that we celebrate when we gather for worship. I am in the process of trying to write a book and it is, at times, a painfully slow process, not least of all when lacking inspiration! But that's one of the things I love most about this life of faith - it's not all ethereal, unearthly, super-spiritual hype - it is in essence living with the hard realities of life, knowing that you're not in it alone. It's dealing with all of the injustices and contradictions of the world in which we live whilst acknowledging that there is One who feels and grieves over them it more deeply than we do. It's celebrating all that is good and beautiful about life and humanity and recognising that the One who created it all rejoices in it with you.

I really hope you'll enjoy my musings, as random and sporadic as they may be, and that in some way, I'll be able to help you connect with the One who has given my life meaning.

God bless!